Room Swap

One night when we were still hoping the lump was not cancer, I suggested to R that if it was cancer we might to change some of our living arrangements. The Baby would need to be in the room with Grandma, because she still gets up at night and needs lots of physical care. All her stuff, changing table, clothes, rocking chair, and bassinet was set up in our room. We have been working towards that goal this last week. We asked C to give up most of his toys and move into the den (it has double doors on it) with the piano. He accepted without complaint and began paring down his possessions. L got a the bunk bed a little early we were going to get her and the Baby, in about a year form now. She gave her old bed to C to use in the den. We put all the Baby's stuff except for the bassinet(we will put it in there when we actually have to) in C's old room with the bookcases from the den and the bed for Grandma.

the bunkbed's in L's room

On Wednesday L and C were home from school due to teacher training and I thought this would be a good time to make most of the room switch. A friend had offered to help, and even tried to pin me down on a day, but I told her I thought I could handle it. I was planning on it being physically taxing, especially with my bad back, but I knew we needed to do it before my surgery. What I did not count on was how emotionally difficult it was to move my baby's stuff out of my room, because I am preparing for the time I will be unable to take care of her. It broke my heart to move all the items I so lovingly set up in our room for our much anticipated baby. As I was doing it I thought I should call my friend, but I was too much of a wreck, I just wanted to finish and the pain to be done. I know she would of come over anyway, no matter my fragile emotional state. I decided after I was done that I need to ask for help even when I can physically do things, but if they are difficult emotionally to do. The physical burden of cancer this time is easy to acknowledge that it is more than we can handle, but the emotional burden is harder to admit that it is just as heavy.

I realized something interesting later for those of you who are familiar with the physical limitations for those who have had major back surgery in the past. I moved several bookcases, dressers full of clothes, beds, changing table, chairs, and so on in a few hours. There were no physical repercussions from my activity. I did not feel any pain moving the items or later. This was a blessing.