Surgery Day Boxes and Letters

We had a little bit of a surprise Tuesday morning. The Fed Ex truck dropped off a package from a small town in Idaho to L and C. We did not open them before we left for surgery. Later while we were in recovery we called and asked them what was in it. They told Rex a bunch of stuff and it seemed hard to believe, especially the part about the goldfish.

When we got home they carefully showed us what L and C and Baby got in their surgery day boxes. L said she knew there was so much stuff that they only started reading the books and were going save the rest for chemo day boxes. I told them that they could open all of it and use all of it now, and was surprised at L's and C's selflessness. We were touched my aunt's thoughtfulness and generosity. The boxes were full of their dream chemo day box items - gum, Taylor Swift, Legos, and on and on. I know it lifted the burden for them that hard day.

If that was not more than enough then they received individual letters from their favorite grandma aunt, and R and I did too. I really appreciated the part for R in there, since most of the phone are for him asking about his wife. Plus when we were waiting for the surgery to start R we read supportive emails from parts far (we'll go the 8) and near.

Family Home Evening

Last night we tried to have Family Home Evening between the supportive calls and cookie drop offs. Our kids were acting sort of anxious so we had a question and answer period. Most of their questions we about chemotherapy. Since that treatment has not been finalized we did not have many of the answers that they wanted.

We also talked about the surgery in more detail. It was much more detail than L wanted, and she hid her face behind the blanket for part of the time. She also tells R how embarrassed she gets when I talk about reconstruction or protheses to people. It is good to know she is a normal 10 year old girl.

C was having a particularly hard time, because he was confused. He thought I would lose all my hair during the surgery and other little mix ups. C seemed to feel better after our discussion. At the end he declared, "I guess it is easier to replace body parts than to replace my mommy."

Of course I do not know how much Baby is taking in. This morning (the last time before surgery) when I fed her the bottle she looked at me and smiled the whole time.

The New Doctor

Yesterday I went to a new doctor. The office staff at my old oncologist was making me crazy already, and I decided I did not need that hassle. Everyone we asked for a recommendation gave us the same place so I made an appointment there. They even had the new patient forms online to print out and fill out at home - yes!

My mom, Baby, and I went up there yesterday afternoon. We got there a few minutes early, checked in with there pleasant office staff, and then were taken back a few minutes early - so far so good.

We met with the doctor and as he was taking my history he found out I am very healthy except I have cancer. I will probably explain in more detail what we talked about another time. He was logical and kind in his answers and explanations. My mom liked that he said he will have to approach my complex case in a creative way. There were many things I liked about the experience but the one I liked the best was that he purposefully talked quietly the whole time, so as not to wake up the baby. To me it showed that he understood while I needed to discuss cancer treatments with him, I also need to be a mother.

They are so good to me

A few weeks ago my cousin emailed me and said she and her family would pray for me morning and night and that on the 24th she would fast for me. She was the first of many people in my family to send similar emails. Then my aunt (the official decider of what emails get sent to our whole extended family) sent an email asking those who would like to fast and pray on the 24th.

It was even more humbling to read the emails after that as so many of my relatives replied as one relative did, "I'm in!"

My family has felt the strength of those prayers and fasting and good thoughts already. We feel you holding us up. This past Sunday was the most peaceful one we have had since we found out about the cancer. I am sure today will bring more evidence that as the 2010 Mutual Theme states "the Lord they God is with thee withersover thou goest," even in small towns in Nevada.

We are so grateful for your support.

Life Around Cancer

While we have been busy dealing with cancer it has not consumed all our time, it just feels that way. Here are some things we did this week not directly related to cancer.

We had family pictures taken in a small town near us. Of family history note it is the same small town that by dad and his family lived when my grandpa was going to school up here.

L and C went to a movie party and made these type of bracelets. These specific ones are L's.


On Saturday we decided to focus on family time, so we went out to the fall festival at a local farm. We wrapped Baby up in the Halloween quilt my aunt made and L won one year at a family reunion.

L and C both have kept up and excelled with their school work, despite their very distracted mother. L has finished one grade of math and has moved on to the next.

I went to stake leadership training, and saw an old friend, and many of my new ones.

R had the stitches taken out of his head, and his scar is not very noticiable.

The Baby only woke up once last night!

Room Swap

One night when we were still hoping the lump was not cancer, I suggested to R that if it was cancer we might to change some of our living arrangements. The Baby would need to be in the room with Grandma, because she still gets up at night and needs lots of physical care. All her stuff, changing table, clothes, rocking chair, and bassinet was set up in our room. We have been working towards that goal this last week. We asked C to give up most of his toys and move into the den (it has double doors on it) with the piano. He accepted without complaint and began paring down his possessions. L got a the bunk bed a little early we were going to get her and the Baby, in about a year form now. She gave her old bed to C to use in the den. We put all the Baby's stuff except for the bassinet(we will put it in there when we actually have to) in C's old room with the bookcases from the den and the bed for Grandma.

the bunkbed's in L's room

On Wednesday L and C were home from school due to teacher training and I thought this would be a good time to make most of the room switch. A friend had offered to help, and even tried to pin me down on a day, but I told her I thought I could handle it. I was planning on it being physically taxing, especially with my bad back, but I knew we needed to do it before my surgery. What I did not count on was how emotionally difficult it was to move my baby's stuff out of my room, because I am preparing for the time I will be unable to take care of her. It broke my heart to move all the items I so lovingly set up in our room for our much anticipated baby. As I was doing it I thought I should call my friend, but I was too much of a wreck, I just wanted to finish and the pain to be done. I know she would of come over anyway, no matter my fragile emotional state. I decided after I was done that I need to ask for help even when I can physically do things, but if they are difficult emotionally to do. The physical burden of cancer this time is easy to acknowledge that it is more than we can handle, but the emotional burden is harder to admit that it is just as heavy.

I realized something interesting later for those of you who are familiar with the physical limitations for those who have had major back surgery in the past. I moved several bookcases, dressers full of clothes, beds, changing table, chairs, and so on in a few hours. There were no physical repercussions from my activity. I did not feel any pain moving the items or later. This was a blessing.

Surgery on Tuesday

They called to preregister me for surgery. It was the fastest preregistration ever, they asked, "Is everything the same as last time you were here, and is your husband going to drive you home again?" I said, "Yes and yes," and I was done.

I am not sure what to expect recovery wise. I have seen the general guidelines. When we talked to the surgeon about the double mastectomy he thought I might be able to go home that day or maybe just stay one night. He based that on my good health (except that cancer thing) my age, and how I have responded to past surgeries. I asked him how much he thought it would hurt. He said it would be much worse than the surgery I had earlier this month. I asked if it would be worse than back surgery. The doctor said no, it would not be worse than back surgery, more like in the middle between a little pain and back surgery.

Then we talked about drains and ports. At this point the surgeon became a plumber, as he detailed care of the drains. The drains are what I think will be the most irritating, and get in the way of taking care of my children. Grandma is coming up to help, and Grandpa will be here too, so I guess Baby will be held enough. I am glad about having the port put in. I have small veins and hate the repeated attempts to insert i.v.s or draw blood.

Meanwhile the we will get ready for Nevada Day/Halloween and I will just be the kitchen sink this year with my multiple drains.